I guess i am one of the lucky ones- every one in 6 men will suffer from depression at some time in their lives. I am pretty sure my mother has depression and it really is a battle for people who suffer from depression. It is a draining and tiring experience that not only effects the victim yet also the people around him or her. It is one of those diseases in which people are left in a world that is almost somewhere else- a world where next to nothing could cheer them and it quiet figuratively is a world of darkness and misery- no matter how many times you tell them how “lucky” they are.

Now surely this is not a battle of the sexes- depression effects both men and women yet seeming “emotion” is often expected to be disconnected from men they do really well in playing this part, by keeping their secrets and emotions locked inside themselves and this is surely a dangerous trend. It is seen in the statistics which show that a whopping 78% of all suicide deaths are males. It is a sad world when we know that many of these deaths could have been prevented and its sad that the very idea of “being a man” is to conceal your most personal aspects.

The fact of the matter is, we ALL need someone to talk to– and i am there for anybody that needs to talk. I can’t guarantee that i can help but i am a lending ear and a helping hand if required, i don’t care if you are a man or a woman- clearly if every day you feel as if life is a shambles and you resent everything about both the world and yourself you do need some form of help, and i don’t believe that jumping off a building, running in front of a train or an overdose on medication is the right answer, because suicide is just further accumulation of that pain you felt- only everyone around you could feel it too.

I used to think that an easy cure for depression is to simply think of those who have less- those who have less wealth; less health; less looks- i know it’s not a nice thing to do but if it rids you of these terrible thoughts then whatever works i guess! Yet this never seemed to work especially in the case of my mother, i mean she came from next to nothing and now lives quiet a stable and comfortable life- i remember having a screaming match with her and calling her “selfish and ignorant” for not realizing that people who literally have nothing are still willing to smile and be positive, yet she tears up and hates life and herself for what?

Little did i understand the strength of depression– none of that matters. I could compliment her living, give her great examples, call her beautiful and tell her i love her and in essence it will not work to its full effect. Hence i keep it simple, when the sun is out i tell her its a beautiful day. When there’s a great song on i let her listen and sing along, when i can i crack a joke and i let her truly enjoy the simple things in life and to a degree it works, and it works miracles.

Ladies and gentlemen please be aware of this mental disease, and keep in mind that someone you love and cherish may be suffering from the sad battle of depression- just ensure that you are a good support structure for them and do the best that you could and never desecrate a mans dignity by telling him to “suck it up” and “man up” if he is bottling up all of his problems and emotions because in essence it is you encouraging the ship to sink and once its submerged it may be too late. Become aware!

I leave you with a bit of poetry i wrote in regards to depression.

Thoughts are creeping up inside me,
i stare to the cupboard nearby,
a full bottle of whiskey stares at me,
funny seeming i don’t even drink,
yet tonight is the night to drown misery,
into the depths of a sea made of ink,
words and thoughts i wish i said.”

-Ramey Elali 2012

Peace, Salam Alaykum

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Comments
  1. Depression is no joke. I have been down that road before. The best thing is to just be there for the other person when they need you, be it family or friend, no matter how hard it might be and no matter how irrational the person may seem. Be patient with your mother, and never give up hope.

    Peace.

  2. Sumayah Rose says:

    Again Wow! Honestly your so REAL bro! I have always had general depression until the last few years with converting to islam, the bachlash from family, friends, (they totaly disowned me and disassociated from me) I mean all of them. None of them had any love for me after that. Still to this day no one will talk to me. For a while I was like oh they will get over it, until my kids got involved, and then me having to fight for my rights as a mother, against a state that banned sharia law the same year and nearly same month as my court date-aparently you cannot have kids and be muslim in the state of Oklahoma. With all the islamaphobea it hit hard-DEPRESSION. But it wasnt so obvious I was trying to be strong, I started have sever medical problems related to stress, anxiety, sever chest pains, body aches, increased anima, along with others I wont mention, gained alot of wieght(I was skinny when I converted to Islam) yeah and then on top of it I was bullied at work from my Islamophobic boss!!! I completely had a break down it was last year I never thought of sucide before in my life before this time. And since I have thought about it nearly every day. I had to make some changes, unfortuatly since I do have this problem, I decided to remove my hijab to make myself less subseptable to attack, because it is going to literaly kill me(not the hijab) but the situation I am in and the depression. Many people dont know that and many SISTERS have harrassed me for removing my hijab. But I just feel that I should take it easy for now. ALLAH swt knows my heart. And About a year ago after extream harrassment from my boss and family harrassment-my father told me to kill myself knowing I have this issue I took a whole bottle of xanax!!!!! Lucky my husband found me and I was saved. (TEARS). Muslims are kinda cold and dont acknowledge this condition or other issues and it is really hard to explain these things to a nonmuslim doctor. SO I have not worked since last year- in fear of discrimination and its consequences. I pray that more muslims would accept this issue of depression and me more accepting of you. Thanks Again for sharing brother. May ALLAH help us in our struggles!

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