Friendships are clearly an important part of our lives- sometimes things we cannot disclose to our families are seeped out into our intimate friends. Yet are people around us for the right reasons? I consider my “real” friends to constitute no more than 5 individuals. Other people to me are friendly acquaintances yet not people id get overly personal with nor have enough time to make a big difference in their lives and vice versa. Through-out my life i have met many people that called me a “friend” and certainly numerous times those friendships proved to be failures- and i noticed a trend when it came to friendship- there are certain qualities that diminish and eventually void that relationship between the two of you, all for it to fall into a facade of falsehood.
Years ago i made a video on Youtube titled “Beware Of Fake Friends” and it was a hit- 6,000 views but most importantly were the comments and likes- clearly people were looking for telltale signs of a false friendship. There is no need to waste your time with people who are inconsiderate and hold no value to life, it is clearly a two way street and both parties must be mutually pleased with each other. So here are a few things to look out for when it comes to friends and if your “friends” seem to have most or all of these traits, i must urge you to think twice.
Sign # 1- Your friend is Greedy.
I am sorry but i cannot handle greed. People who consider themselves your friends yet they do nothing to prove it. Generosity is a sacrifice people make to prove themselves to people, and it’s a small price to pay. By being generous we show that we value them and that material items don’t get in the way of a true friendship- so long as it is all done in moderation. For example- if you are having something to eat, always offer your friend- even before you’ve taken the first dig of it. Usually your friend will return the gesture by offering you their food- and it is fine for all parties to say “no thank you” – because essentially the gesture is what counts- and it signals generosity.
If your friend is short on change, get the change out and help them. If your friend needs to make a phone call- get your phone out and help. Shout your friends a meal or a drink once in a while as a token of good will. Guys it’s just money, its going to come and go and do not expect a return – yet i guarantee you a true friend will be oft- returning and grateful. People who are niggardly and greedy do not make good friends. Greed is selfishness. Selfishness is pride. All of this constitutes bad behaviour and disingenuous motives. So if you find your friend never makes any offerings to you (and you never make offerings to them) – there is nothing real about your friendship- where is your minor sacrifice and good works?
“Allah does not love those who are proud and boastful, who hoard their wealth and encourage greed in others, and hide that which Allah has bestowed on them of His bounty.”
Sign # 2- Your friend is Jealous.
Envy is another anti-friend persona that is abundant in many people. Some people are so jealous that they cannot even hide the fact. If you are in a friendship, one that is genuine- you are meant to be happy for your friend- regardless. If they are happy, then by default you should be happy for them. So if you just got a job promotion, won a holiday, or met the man or woman of your dreams- you should expect no less than smiles, cheers and support. Envy does no good, some people claim that jealousy causes motivation- a motivation for one to improve him or herself. Yet that “motivation” is only a ploy- the fact that they were NOT motivated until YOU did something for yourself proves their reasoning is faulty- they are only doing it to be better than you, not because it’s something they had always wanted to do.
Jealousy is a feeling that i never really “understood”. Even when it comes to strangers i am happy if they are happy, to see a content and smiley face is contagious. I find envy to be especially prevalent amongst females- at least apparent jealousy. Females seem to express their jealousy more loudly than their male counterparts– who at very least hide it. So the next time you tell your friend some good news and you see their face to be contorted and lacking any joy- then i’d question that friendship, indeed these people wouldn’t be happy for their own mothers or fathers .
“Beware of envy because indeed envy destroys good deeds in the same manner as fire destroys wood.”
Sign # 3- Your friend is overly Competitive.
A bit of playful competition is healthy – we all do it lets face it. Yet seeming i am by no means a competitive person i do not seem to attract that type of attention. Yet when you have two competitive people; they clash head on and it only turns into a mess. If you have a friend that always has a better story; a better example; speaks over you; relates your woes and stories to themselves and makes life all about them – i’d be a little worried about the truthfulness of the friendship. To me if you are true to a friend- then they are your equal and always will be. You are neither above or below them- you are both mutually awesome and there is nothing wrong with that. Playful competition could eventually turn into outright rivalry, it can literally toss your friendship upside down all because two super inflated ego’s being to bop heads. What should be done is healthy playful competition- yet a clear and consenting understanding to the fact that you are both friends; both equals in each others eyes and have no intention in outdoing each other- save that mindless stuff for your enemies ;-).
“America and Islam are not exclusive and need not be in competition. Instead, they overlap, and share common principles of justice and progress, tolerance and the dignity of all human beings.”
Peace, Salam Alaykum.