Love advice- it is something that many people turn to. A piece of affirmation as to whether or not a persons instincts are right and yet we notice an increase in divorce and short term relationships. Let us get one thing straight right away- the partner that you really really wish for very likely does not exist. Whoever you end up with there will always be something that irks you about them, there will always be things we wish they could change, there will always be annoying habits and things we simply do not understand- yet does that mean you shouldn’t be with them? Definitely not! Love is a lot more than a bunch of checklists.
I find that sadly girls tend to fall for this trap a lot more than men- where they are used for their vulnerability and their insecurities are exploited by the media and book market- where so called “professionals” on love tell them exactly who is right for them. Who could ever forget not only the best selling book “He’s just not that into you” that was later turned to another hit movie – where girls are shown to be taken advantage of, left to hang and dry by certain types of guys- giving them the cards of victim hood and placing vulnerable women in an even more isolated corner, that perhaps the guy that does not follow these guidelines will soon dump her – so better she do it first.
If we examine a few quotes in the film “He’s Just Not That Into You” – which is tame compared to the books we see it places women in that helpless position where pretty much all guys are jackasses and she is always better off alone.
Alex: So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a shit, he genuinely doesn’t give a shit. No exceptions.
Gigi: Ok- I’m making out with this guy, PG stuff. He mentions he’s going out of town so he’s gonna be out of touch.
Gigi: But maybe he is going out of town.
Alex: To where? New Guinea? Where’s he gonna be that he’s gonna be out of touch?
Alex: If a guy doesn’t call you, he doesn’t want to call you.
In the film and worse off in the book we see something that is trending- the image that men never have a good enough excuse and almost by nature us men are designed to play women and treat them like garbage. That if he doesn’t call, that if he is genuinely away for a while, that if he doesn’t respond to a message, that if he gives different signals that suddenly he is most surely out to break your heart and thinks nothing of you- quiet clearly such writings and films are degrading to women, whilst trying to “liberate” them and even more-so is it harsh towards men, saying if we do not conform to certain checklists and guides and if we fall outside a particular circle, that we are not worth keeping. What a catastrophe.
Why are we then surprised when we see girls especially being paranoid- suspicion and doubt runs into their minds- which is why you get the “Where are you?” “Who are you with?” “But you said 7 o’clock” “Why didn’t you reply” messages. Naturally inclined most women would be open to trusting their man and allowing trust to be the foundation of their relationship, yet when outside influences such as books, magazine articles and the media interfere you see that suddenly an irrational paranoia is in place and a vulnerable woman is made to be even more mentally weak.
I expect that when i tell my lady that i’m somewhere- she believes me. When i tell her who i am with- she believes me. That when i am away, she trusts me. That when I’m afar, she misses me and that no matter what she loves me. That is the essence of a relationship. It doesn’t matter how many times a day a man calls you– if he is doing it for the sake of “protecting” your relationship, then indeed it is nothing short of a scam. It doesn’t matter if you see each other once a week, if that day you are together is the most amazing day of that week, then why sacrifice that feeling all for the sake of having a security blanket. The blanket of knowing he see’s you more than once weekly because “that’s not enough” according to your deceitful books of
Wonderful relationships are being destroyed by these ideals of a perfect partner. Well that perfect partner that you and i both want does not exist. It is nothing but a fabrication made up in your own mind of fantasy- constantly fed by those “love stories” that ironically are always found in fairy tales. I for one know that i will never judge my woman based on some checklists and guidelines, nor a book that has a scorecard or a tally for women to see what “category” their man falls for. At the end of the day it really is NOT complicated, if a relationship is well and truly off- and if your man or woman is not treating you right then something called common sense would prevail.
Yet if there are things you don’t “like” about your partner, another dislike will be found in another partner. The fact is we have to learn to deal with and live with things that we are not entirely comfortable with– it doesn’t mean it’s a relationship not worth keeping, because relationships only grow and love does not need a guide book nor any helping hand. Every man is different we are a lot more than beings to be figured out in some book. We all work and act differently and we are all individual, and i don’t care what your stupid books say in regards to certain actions or lack of action from my behalf- in the end it is simply a fattening dose of insecurity being force fed through your throats and turning all forms of love sour and leaving a world of women with expectations that make no sense and loners with wishful thinking.
He’s just not that into you? I don’t think so. You’re just not that into yourself- otherwise you’d know what’s best for you before any ramblings of mid life crisis candidates.
Peace, Salam Alaykum.